Month: June 2018

Taking Responsibility

~ Natal Galvan

Today’s horoscope suggested that I take responsibility for some of the not so good parts of my life. It’s right. I mean how often do we actually sit down and take responsibility for the things we mistakenly bring into our lives? Not often. I know that I preach my advice for others to really take a deep look into themselves and acknowledge the wrongs they’ve done to really overcome whatever it is they may be going through. It’s time for me to take my own advice, no?

Today I take responsibility for something as small as signing up to a random website and then getting upset at receiving the junk mail that goes with it. I go through the hassle of signing up for things to then find myself unsubscribing. I mean, as soon as I plug in my email should’t I already know what I’m in for? Of course… Yet I still do it anyways.

I take responsibility for conditioning people to treat me the way they do. Not setting boundaries from the start allows people to get a different perception as to how to carry themselves within the friendship. The fact that I bend over backwards at all times for people allows them to believe that I will be okay with anything. How can I get mad at someone for treating me the way that I have put myself out there to be treated? From the beginning I should be outspoken and assertive in the things that matter most to me instead of trying to constantly people please. This alone has set me up for many failures in friendships as well as romantic relationships.

I take responsibility in not writing as much as I should for the kind of goals I would like to achieve. I procrastinate or worse, I allow for laziness to completely take over. I allow for others to talk me into wasting time with them (because typically that is all we do) instead of taking reigns of my own personal time and dedicating it to something that will benefit me and what it is I want for my future.

I take responsibility for not speaking up when I should or shutting up when I shouldn’t say a word.  There is a time and a place for both and there are times I wish I knew when they were. I tend to blurt out my opinion, at times without thought, when all people may need is an ear to listen. So I admit, I should keep my advice to myself unless I am particularly asked.

I take full responsibility for not staying connected with those truly who love me, even though I really just don’t know how to. I allow for my introverted self to shine through most times instead of finding balance with the teenie bit of extrovertedness I do have. I could just chalk it up to my childhood and blaming the fact that I don’t know how to really bond with those closest to me, since detachment has always been a coping mechanism. But seriously, now that I have learned this aspect of myself, why not work on it instead of excusing it, right?

I responsibly admit to not knowing how to always handle difficult situations which in turn leads me to letting people down. I have quite the list going, although I will say that in the last two years I haven’t really had to add new people onto that list so maybe I am making improvements to this area of my life?

I admit to making mistakes, to having skeletons in my closet, and to not being perfect, even if my close friends poke fun at me being “little miss perfect”.

I take responsibility for not eating as healthy as I should and sometimes half-assing my workouts. I will be better, I promise!

I take responsibility for sometimes being way too hard on myself and for not only setting too high of standards for myself, but also holding the bar high for others. Why set these social bars? If I can’t be perfect, why should I expect for others to be? I mean, in all honesty, it is  good thing to set standards but one also has to look at each individual as a case by case scenario. The same standards I hold for person A may not be the best standards to hold person B or C to. So I take responsibility for not always taking into consideration a person’s individuality when it comes to this.

I take responsibility for not always eliminating negative influences out of my life as soon as I pick up on the fact that they’re in fact a negative influence. Whether it be people, places, or things, once I figure that their impact in my life isn’t a positive one, I should say “Adios!” and keep it moving without guilt or second guessing.

With that said, I will take responsibility for not listening to my intuition as often as I should. I could have already avoided a bad romantic relationship (or two), wasting time on counter productive friendships, food poisoning (I knew I shouldn’t have kept eating that), worthless jobs, ect…

Lastly, I take responsibility for not having more faith and confidence in myself.  I know me and I do know what I’m capable of. I know that I can achieve all of my dreams and those that I haven’t even thought of yet. I need to strive harder and I am more than willing to work on myself so that I can be the person I know I can be.

Acknowledging responsibility, it is one hell of much needed kick in the ass. Are you strong enough to acknowledge yours?

 

 

It’s Tea Time

~ Natal Galvan

There is a bar right by my house that I love to go to hang out. It’s one of those hole in the wall places that you would probably drive by a million times and you’d never even know it was there. This is my Cheers bar and although when I walk in they don’t shout out my name, their flash of a smile or nod of recognition is just the same.

This place isn’t like any other bar. It is unique in its style as well as in its brand. It serves no alcoholic beverages, instead it is all tea based products. That’s right, my favorite bar to frequent to is a tea bar. A vast difference from where I would want to hang out a year ago. It’s dimly lit inside and although there is one side of the place made up entirely of windows, they are covered by a one sided film that allows you to see out but not in. I love this little fact because I can watch what is going on outside as if I were watching t.v, whether it be a group of people outside smoking and mingling or just merely staring at the trees swaying in the breeze.

The bar for the most part is pretty quiet. I love to sit in the lounge area tucked away in my corner on one of their antiquated, yet comfortable couches, tribal masks hung for decoration dance far above my head. From here, when not in the company of my friends, I work on writing or maybe do a little reading. Today I people watch.

One of the things I absolutely love about this place is how all different types of people stroll in and out of this tiny establishment. Those you’ll mainly find here are modern day hippie kids. You know the type. The ones that listen to Sublime and  Slightly Stoopid, laid back in their youthful ways. Those that have no real prejudicial thought or agenda against others, their only true focus is on bettering themselves and those around them. Sprinkled among that crowd you’ll also find your gym rats, your business professionals, your serious video-gamers, your student working on an overdue paper. At this place you will find anyone and everyone and all of them are intermingling with one another.

As I take a sip my from usual tea, I can’t help but smile at the thought that we have all decided to be right here, at this moment, together. No matter how different of a life we may all lead, today we had the same thought and decided to visit this very bar to consume our signature drink. I look at these individuals around me and it amazes me how those that are so vastly different from one another, those who in the “real” world would probably never find a genuine commonality otherwise, have found a common thread not worth cutting. Even I, who is a self diagnosed extroverted introvert, has made friends with people I never once thought I would make real friends with. Not because of any other reason other than it’s hard for me to stir up conversation with complete strangers unless there is a solid reason to, unless I know that rejection is not an option left on the table. I have found comfort among all these now familiar faces. There is comfort in knowing who my “tea”tender is and how I don’t even have to see who is working behind the bar but by just listening to what is playing over the speakers will tell me. The familiar sound of pool balls being racked and then breaking in the next room, their game room, is always comforting. It’s a simple reminder of life, scattering its traces of enjoyment throughout this tiny bar.

Sometimes I daydream about how this bar will be the place in which I finally finish my book in. Even if it doesn’t happen here, the meaning of this place already holds enough weight to be a part of me, at least for a very long while. Who would have thought that a bar serving only tea would be, for me, much more enjoyable than any ol’ bar serving spirits?

This little tea bar is my getaway, my comfort, my safe haven.