Stardust Conception

With my head resting in my palms and gaze directed up into the dark and deep abyss above me, characters from a time of what seems so long ago begin to rush back. There are so many of them, people that I’ve encountered throughout my time away from home. Even smells and sounds float back to my senses, rapidly taking me to unique places in time. It’s times like these that I wish I had someone to share these details of my life with. I wish that I could share and that they’d listen, not from obligation, but because they care enough to want to get lost in a good story. An ear who listens out of pure interest and not because it could get them somewhere; hidden motives.

People don’t have time anymore for good stories, not unless it pertains to them, and that’s the sad truth. It’s all about listening to themselves speak, or at the very least, being the protagonist of the current story being told. You’ve got to love the honesty too. When you’re trying to share a story, some people will let you know without speaking it so that they could care less about what you could be trying to share. Their gaze screaming, “I don’t care. I’m listening to be nice..” or my favorite facial expression, “I’m acting like I’m listening but also staring away to let you know I’m also kind of ignoring you.”

And so, I journal. I write down people, places, and things. I may not be able to verbally tell my stories, but I have faith that someday all the pages of most of my journaling will tell the stories that are meant to be shared. They will have their time. Until then, I will be that ear for others.I mean hell, everyone knows how much I do love a good story. So let them tell theirs. I’ll reminisce to myself, allowing for all those characters to swirl and dance, and melt together; live on inside my mind.

A Letter To Self

You are so imperfect, its perfection. Don’t doubt who you are or what you’re becoming. Simply live every day getting yourself to the highest level of good feeling frequency that you can. Living positively is the force that will take you where you need to be. Believe in your intuition and if something gives off a negative frequency, steer clear.¬†Take steps with love and kindness in mind, with no regard to race, gender, religion, or any other sort of diversity, and understand that that path will never lead you in the wrong direction.¬†

Life isn’t a race. You’ll get to accomplish the things you want and need to accomplish at its own time. Don’t compare where you are in life with those around you. See them as their own individual example of how others live their life. Contemplate the lessons you may take away by admiring their situation but don’t compare, for you are on your own journey.

Be mindful and stay present. The best way to live your life is to live right here, right now. Feel the breeze that just brushed across your cheek. Touch the petal of the flower that just caught your eye, give it a “thank you” for blessing you with its natural beauty. Listen to the laughter that erupts from children playing as you walk by your neighborhood playground. Let their giggles uplift you and ride its innocence to the depths of inner joy. Have no thought to the past for why reminisce and long after what no longer is. Don’t live in the future for there is no real future. You’re not promised the next 60 seconds let alone an entire lifetime.

Waste not your energy or time on things, people, or situations that bring you no joy. Forcing yourself to do things won’t strengthen anything other than the bond others will have a hold on you. Don’t allow the social chains to hold you back from taking advantage of this journey you’re on.

Laugh as much as possible and if you cry, cry from deep within your soul and let your tears nurture the ground below your feet. Allow its nutrients to strengthen the foundation for your rebuild. Don’t simply get over your problems, work through them, and move on.

Happiness is a choice and you have an abundance of it at your disposal, but only if you make the choice to seize it. Have faith in yourself because you are worth more than you know.

XOXO

Me.

Contemplation Station

All I’ve really been doing the last couple of months is contemplating. I think about everything. I think about where I was a year ago, or 5 years ago. I think about the people I have met along the way, and have also lost within this process called life. I mourn the loss of those who are still alive but are no longer with us. I think about certain things that I would never even think twice about before. Like, why I’ve gone to the beach more since moving back to New Jersey then I did the entire time it was living in Florida. I find myself wondering how I have gotten into a stagnant routine or which I’m constantly craving more for myself but yet can’t take steps towards changing certain things in order to get the ball rolling my direction. I think about how I’ve gotten in my own way, and although I would love to blame this pandemic, I can only truly blame myself. I think about how my passions such as writing and painting have taken a back seat to drinking and thinking. I guess the silver lining to all of this is that at least I’m thinking.