Self-care is of top priority as of late. Not because it’s a new year. No, this wagon left the station way before the spirit of the holiday season came upon us. Awareness crept back in October after realizing that I had let go of a lot of my own rituals that kept me rooted, balanced. Since then, I’ve been slowly getting back into the swing of things, my swing for all things. A little more mediation and yoga here, a float in a sensory deprivation tank there, a day of getting pampered with a massage and facial on another day. The money that I have spent throughout the last couple of weeks have been well worth it because the feeling of being whole again has been utterly priceless. I noticeably have released a ton of tension, and have learned to really romanticize my day, gifting myself moments of pleasure and joy instead of leaving it in the hands of others to do it for me, to then be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

Taking control over my own happiness isn’t the only thing I’ve been up to these days. I’ve also been making sure to set boundaries. Noticing myself creep back into my old co-dependent ways, I immediately had to set boundaries with those closest to me. I’ve been allowing too much negative talk to thicken the air around me. I’ve been allowing for people to take and take until my cup has run dry. Oddly enough, it’s these very same people that’ll say “Nat, you should really think about taking some time to yourself. You seem like you’re depleted, and you can’t keep giving if you’re running empty,” not realizing it is them who are sucking me dry. Within the same breath, they’ll ask more of me, “By the way, do you think you could read my cards for the month?? I feel like I need a reading to guide my way. I’ve got a new job lined up and I need to see what I’m working with. Thanks.” they demand, tipping over my cup, tapping it ferociously trying to get every last drop out of me.

I’m relearning how to say “no” and mean it. I’ve played dumb to situations as to not have to pick up responsibility that, in all fairness, I shouldn’t be asked to pick up. I try to remain, at times, unassuming and unaware, paying close attention to the things I want to engage in, instead of focusing my energy on what others need me to focus on for them, the takers. Although it’s been a bit disappointing to catch myself slipping back into their claws, I’m happy to say that at least I caught myself. Noticing the regression just in time, before any real damage has been done, is the key to getting back to using the tools given to you, to help you get back to enjoying your time here. So now that I’ve noticed, it’s time to take back my time and my Self and get back to living for myself.