Time Taken

Hyattis. It’s what my writing took for what has now seemed to be like an insurmountable amount of time. Don’t get me wrong, I have continued to journal. I couldn’t imagine not being able to purge all these thoughts and experiences on to paper. I’d burst. The break I took was more from sharing.

So much has gone on that I just couldn’t keep up so I didn’t. At a moment’s notice, I began feeling that my cup was running low and when that happens, I am of no use to anyone, not even to myself. Thoughts of life and what was going on in the world around me began to jumble up. One day, moment, second I would be feeling one way. The next day, moment, second I was feeling the complete opposite. I felt myself begin to get carried away with the crowd. That’s when I recognized that changes had to be made.

The thing with change is that although, yes, change does not happen overnight, once the ball gets rolling, it gets rolling rather quickly. Once you begin to address the thought of, “a change should be made”, it isn’t long before the nagging sensation begins to follow you. Those little words will dance around your mind creating a new dynamic between you and life. You will slowly start to pick up on small instances of unease in stitutions that before you wouldn’t have even thought twice about.

Change is what began speaking to me a few months back. I noticed a few aspects of my life that I wanted to make better. There were habits that needed breaking and plans to be laid out, and so that’s what I did. Without making it seem like a rigid gameplan, and, as to not shock my system, I began making small changes in how I went on with my days here in there.

I started off with breaking the habit of watching the news every morning while I had my coffee. It’s funny because growing up I always hated the news. It was something I found depressing, stuffy, and at times comedically dark and dramatic. As I got older I wanted to become more informed on what was going on around me me, and now being an adult it just seemed like the adult thing to do. Now I realize the havoc believing in what the media is telling us is creating within our society. No thank you. So I turned off the news and instead began my mornings with a quick chapter from that book that “I never have time to read”. During the warmer months I would sit outside taking in those very few moments of my day. Currently, I give myself an extra moment in bed under my covers manifesting the day ahead of me while other times I take advantage and journal a bit extra.

Yoga soon incorporated itself into my life. A new friend that I made over the summer extended an invite to attend the studio she practiced in. I had just begun a new mantra of saying “yes” to things more and so I accepted the invitation. From the moment I took my 1st class I was hooked. I found what my body and soul needed and I now go to practice about 3 to 4 times a week. I’m at the point in my practice that if I don’t go… The guilt eats me alive.

Anyone that works out or has some sort of active lifestyle will tell you that once you begin to move and actively workout your body, you’ll soon begin to actively care about what you put into it. If you would have told me 6 months ago that I’d be making the nutritional choices that I’m making today, I would have looked at you as if you’d gone mad. In all actuality I was never one to go off the deep end when eating but I also didn’t restrain myself much either. I am a fiend for anything sweet. Pizza and pasta are my favorite dinners. No, I won’t turn away fruit or salad but I usually turn to those out of guilt. With yoga, as my body grew stronger and became more active I instinctively turned to healthier foods. It wasn’t long before I actually felt the difference that living actively and eating healthy we’re leading me to feel.

As of recent I have decided to take a month off of drinking. Apparently “dry January” is actually a thing but this isn’t some sort of fad or trend train that I’m hopping on to. It’s been an idea that’s been floating around my mind for quite some time now. So why now? Well, I’m going to answer honestly when I say that it’s not something that I am strong enough to do on my own. I’ve got a couple of other people in my immediate circle there are also going for it. To have their support and the knowledge that I am not having to struggle alone is great. Out of all the new changes to come about in my life, this one has been by far the most challenging. I have come to realize how often I’d make an excuse to have a drink. I was drinking on a day-to-day basis. There were multiple instances that I’d even have a drink because everyone else was drinking, not because I wanted to. Or maybe I’d find myself having a drink because the clock ticked that it was just about that time.

Without making it feel like a chore I took control of my life. I took some time and with that time change came with it. If I had to state what my end goal is, it would obviously be to ultimately feel better. Yet the end goal isn’t what I’m focusing on. What I am fixated on is the Now, the Process, the immediate obstacle I’m trying to overcome right now. How do I make today great? By making conscious choices to feel happy and live healthy in the right now. The world of change has opened up a whole new feeling of freedom and it’s brought me back here. It’s brought me back to that feeling of wanting to share again . My cup is full and I once again am ready to share what’s in it.

Why Rush Undefined Limits?

If the sky is the limit than what is the point in rushing? If the sky is the limit why is it that we crush one another when attempting to obtain our dreams instead of extending a helping hand so we can all get there? Surly there is enough sky for all of us?

We lose so much sleep trying to come up with a strategy to life. What moves do we have to make tomorrow? How do we get from point A to point B using the least amount of energy, yet squeezing out enough juice to make us feel satisfied? We dream about the things we want out of life. We waste days day dreaming and toss away perfectly good nights plotting to get where we want to be. We are schemers for the most part, always looking to beat someone out of their dreams and then claiming them as our own. Winners. That’s all we want to be no matter how much of a loser we make everyone else feel like. But fuck those losers right?? This is your life. They have theirs. Let them find their own way.

This way of thinking is exactly what is wrong with society today. The “screw everyone else I need to just do me” mentality is the cycle of thinking that is needed to be broken in order to evolve our social existence into a new and improved entity.

Love. Thoughtfulness. Positivity. Support. These are all things we can give to others without it costing a dime. The price? Maybe a bit of your time but the reward is worth the small price of time. These acts are key to making humanity human again versus the robotic substitute current society has slowly turned us into. But time? Who has time right?? Who has time to be kind, to love, to support, when all you have time for is to rush to complete the next goal on your list? How does one have time to promote positivity  when you’re in a rush to beat the next person out of their social stature.

What if we just stopped for a quick second to think, what does greed really give you?  Take. Take. Take. We drain the universe and barely do enough to replenish it. There is no balance in that. People are always on the move and it’s not long after attaining their goal they’re again rushing off in search of the next quest. The simple things are never enough anymore. Our own dreams, wishes, and goals aren’t even enough. We want what “they” have, even if it wasn’t on our list of “wants” to begin with. We don’t want to be like “them” anymore. We don’t want to be equal. We want MORE than they than they have. We want to be MORE than they are. It’s a game that has no end. A troubling cycle that leaves us more miserable with each level of attainment instead of allowing us to feel achieved and complete.

There are enough resources, enough miracles, enough happiness, and love to go around. The sky has no limit so we can each literally obtain what we want to achieve without having to steal if from someone else. There are different forms of obtaining that which we desire. The way you imagine your desire for something may not be the form in which it’s granted for you, it may be better than you ever anticipated. You just have to trust in the Universe and in how it is conspiring at this very moment to give you what you have always wanted. “If you can dream it, you can achieve it” and the way to achieve it is not only taking the steps in the direction to get there BUT also in allowing the Universe to take you there. Going with the flow of life sometimes is a better way of getting to where you always dreamed of being instead of missing out on living life when constantly coming up with plans and rough drafts on how to get there.

The sky is the limit so why rush? Why get mean and dirty in trying to get what you want?? The sky has no limit. It wont run out of dreams to be accomplished or goals to be met. Life isn’t a race. It isn’t about status and monetary wealth. You’re already failing if that’s the way you’re looking at life for you will NEVER BE SATISFIED. YOU’LL ALWAYS WANT MORE. Instead spend your days living in its NOW. The right now has plenty to offer you. Put forth good thoughts and energy and watch life simply hand over the things you have always dreamed of without having to do so much as to think about them. Instead of literally killing time with plotting and scheming, give life to your right now by enjoying the simplicity of life. Embrace all that comes in and out of your days with love. Take your time in enjoying the sweetness of life around you no matter where you are. Reward yourself with the power of right now. Stop rushing… because the sky is the limit and it is limitless.

003-2 Photo Credit: Natal Galvan, Location: Somewhere in the U.S


A Blessing in Your Absence

Two nights ago I decided against staying home. Recently, my social life has been somewhat non-existent and for good reason. Ever since getting myself into some legal trouble a few months ago, I’ve been trying to lay low, more so because I legally have to than out of me wanting to. I broke the rules that were imposed on me due to sheer boredom. I mean you cannot expect a 29 year old, single, female to be OK with just sitting at home every single night for the next 10 months.  What you can expect is for her to go stir crazy.

I get home from running errands and after much debating on whether or not to stay home, I decided that I could at least go out and have me a beer along with some dinner. Living out on the beach I am blessed to have everything at arms reach. I don’t have to drive ANYWHERE so I walk out my apartment, earphones in, and head to one of my favorite places, The Salty Crab. They’ve got a wonderful happy hour from 11-7 everyday, live music, and pretty good food compared to many of the other places you find in this tourist trap of a town. Four songs and a mile later I make it to my destination. I order my beer right away, Summer Shandy which they have on draft, one of my favorites, and within a few mins of getting my beer I place an order for boneless chicken wings dressed in a sesame ginger sauce.

The band that is playing is on break so I pop my headphones in. A few songs later I’m finished my beer, still no wings in sight. I order myself a second beer and within mins one of my favorite servers that works there, J, shows up at the bar. He’s off and wondered in to have a drink. He sits right down next to me and BAM just like that I have a drinking buddy, uh ohh. Well… might as well make the most of this right? Before you know it, we’re each finished with our round of beers and order a next round. This time J decides to add a shot into the mix, “Wanna do a shot with me Nattie?” Although I am not a big shot taker, I decide to go along with the flow. This is the first time J and I have a drink together so why not!? Beers ordered, shots poured, and still no wings in sight, this night is turning out to be something I was totally not expecting, but those kind of nights are usually the most fun. So I don’t fight it.

It was about 20 mins after J got there that another bartender from a few bars down also shows up for a drink. It’s a small town, we all know each other, so instead of drinking alone, he too joins us. Our group is getting bigger. At this point I had forgotten that I had even ordered food. It should not have taken as long as it did. To fry up some chicken and toss it sauce, it shouldn’t take more than a few mins but it took way longer than that. By the time my food came out, I was feeling my buzz and didn’t want to kill it, so I asked for it to be made to-go. Let’s keep this party going shall we?

Having my food made to-go was my second big mistake of the night, the first being me accepting that shot. On this particular day, I hadn’t eaten much. I am one of those drinkers that if I decide to drink on an empty stomach, I will be paying for it the next day. With the amount to drink I had had up to this point, I should have torn those chicken strips up. But I didn’t. Instead, I felt guilty for eating in front of people who hadn’t ordered anything and not wanting to be rude, decided I’d eat my food later that night after I got home.

As the night went on, so did the drinking. We took our mini party elsewhere. We headed to a bar that was a bit cheaper and that stayed open a little later. Another round of beers and shots materialized but by this point the shots didn’t even phase me. Or so I thought.

That night for me are now moments lived through snapshots. I remember breaking the seal and having to go to the bathroom often. I vaguely remember cashing out. I don’t remember my walk home, or even getting home. Next thing  knew, I woke up in my room, still fully clothed from the night before. Every light in my apartment was on, making it seem like it was mid-day vs. 8am, the time it truly was. I was disoriented, I’ll even go as far as saying that I was still drunk. I reached for my phone, which I normally keep on my nightstand, but it wasn’t there. Annoyed at the fact that I would have to actually get up and go looking for my phone, I laid my head back down, and within a fews mins I was fast asleep. When I woke up again, I was ready to go looking for my phone. I rummaged through my purse and nothing. I went into the kitchen and nothing. I looked in the bathroom, again, nothing. Another thing I had noticed was that my to-go chicken strips were nowhere to be found. And then that’s when it hit me…… I had left my phone sitting right on top of my to-go box at the bar. I must have left it there when I cashed my bill out the night before. I must have totally forgotten to grab it before leaving. I immediately washed my face, brushed my teeth, and headed back to the bar, in search of my phone.

“Sorry ma’m. I don’t see it here. If you want you can come back later and talk to the girl that was working last night but I can assure you if she had found it, it would be back here.” said the guy that was bar tending now. I know he believed that. He seemed sincere. But I knew better. In today’s world, if someone finds a smart phone, you’re lucky if you get it back. Especially at the bar I was at. The clientele here weren’t the most trusting of folks. I left the bar defeated. I knew my phone was a goner. Funny thing is, I wasn’t as bummed about it as I thought I would be. The only thing that upset me was that I had recently taken pictures from my sister’s visit with that phone. In all honesty, all of the pictures on my phone I cherished. That was definitely the hardest part of coming to grips with having to get another one.

Long story short, I went to Verizon and filed a claim. I paid my deductible and walked out knowing that another phone was on the way and that I would be receiving it the next day (now today). It has now been a full 24hrs since I last had my phone and let me just say that I thought this was going to be much harder than what it actually has been.

I feel refreshed. I feel liberated. I feel like I was stuck in this weird relationship with my phone and now there are no chains attached. Now, I’m not one to constantly be on my phone. I hear it from my friends all the time of how it always takes me so long to reply to a text or how I never answer a phone call. I always took a little pride in that just for the simple fact that for me that meant that I was living more in the moment than living through my phone like so many others. With that said, I have come to realize how dependent I have become on that little piece of technology. Thank the Universe that this happened on a day off of work because otherwise I would have had to run out and get me an alarm clock to get up for work in the morning. But even for non-important things, I found myself reaching for my phone every 15mins. Whether it was to text my sister, or to take a video of my dog doing something funny, or to record something for Snapchat, I literally would physically go to grab for my phone without even thinking. First thing I did this morning, I reached for my phone before even fully getting my head off the pillow to check to see the time. With each time that I came to the realization of what I was doing, a second of disgust would wash over me for the fact that I couldn’t believe how conditioned even I had been. I couldn’t imagine this happening to someone who was a full cell phone addict. How could they survive? I mean there are times that I would reach for my phone and once I realized I didn’t have it, I would almost feel a moment of relief. I literally had no obligations to my phone and that was a great feeling. Funny how something so tiny like a cell phone can thoughtlessly impose on your life.

I sit here knowing that in a few hours I will have a phone again. I do look forward to having limitless contact with the ones I love but I don’t care to have to set it up like I once did. I don’t look forward to having to upload apps and customize my settings. Right now that seems like a lot of energy being placed into something that shouldn’t have that much importance but either way it will get done. Things for me have changed though. If people thought I was detached from my phone before, I can’t imagine what they’ll think now. I love this freedom. Losing my phone was not losing my life but instead it gave it back. I had almost forgotten what life was like before cell phones and with this incident, it has brought those fond memories back. The times of not having to see how many likes you got on a particular post, or checking to see if someone read your message and if so did they respond? The times of actually having to play a radio to listen to music or look at an actual clock to see the time. The moments of life that you have to fully live and absorb because now there is no way of capturing it unless you have a real camera handy. The conversations one must have with the company you’re with due to having no distractions….

I have always related to what’s classic. I have always admired “back in the day” when things were a bit more personal. For instance, I still read real books. I have always wanted a type writer (no real writer should be without one) and I still go out and buy Cd’s. I write letters to friends and tend to always want to play some sort of board game when company is over as opposed to just turning on a Tv. Cell phones have taken so much away from humanity and people don’t even realize. Just take a look at our socializing skills alone and we see how much cell phones have robbed us from even being able to interact with those around us.

Initially I was going to blame myself and the alcohol for aiding in the loss of my phone and all of its contents. But instead of assigning blame, I’ll simply show a bit of gratitude. For it is always a good thing when life hands you an eye opening moment, when you’re given a chance to really appreciate, the way life truly is.