The Universe, A Trickster

The Universe has one hell of a humor. For instance, I loathe waking up before the sun is up. For whatever reason since a child, I’ve had to get up ridiculously early, be it for school during the week, or, if school was out, to get to the babysitter’s house before mom went into her 5am shift. I wouldn’t say there’s trauma, but I’ve definitely developed a distaste for getting up early, especially for things that I have to do versus want to do.

Anyways, in the last couple of days, I’ve been diving a bit deeper into some self-discovery. I took my days off this week and dedicated that time to me, and during this time I decided to look into what yoga classes my local studio had available. I was excited to see that they had a 6am class on the morning I was to go back to work, and although I dislike getting up so early, with a late start time for work, why not? I love yoga. There’s not much motivation needed to get me to go, it’s timing that usually gets in the way. So I decided that I would wake up and get to that 6am Power Yoga class to begin the start of my work week off right. I set up all I’d needed the night before, clothes, mat, work gear, etc had some tea before bed, an earlier bedtime than usual to avoid being cranky. I was all set and ready to go.

My alarm goes off. An angelic little ringtone I set as to not be jolted awake by too harsh of an alarm. I decided the night before to set my phone across the room so that I would have to get out of bed to turn it off. Leaving it next to my bed just leaves me, still, too comfortable to get out of bed until I absolutely have to. I tumble out of bed, and only half consciously get ready for my class. It’s not until about 15 mins later that I then take a glance at my phone and see a text message from an unsaved number. Not crazy since I just recently lost my phone on a trip to Jamaica and lost all of my contacts. As I open the message and read on, it states that the 6am Power Yoga class has been canceled due to a medical emergency. This is why I know the Universe is a prankster, and I don’t know who got a bigger laugh, her or me.

I did not find myself going back to bed, and not because I wouldn’t have but because I had already had a morning coffee and for me, there is no coming back from that. Instead, I now sit in front of my journal and create a bit. I think back to yesterday and how I had just read an article on how to make the most of your days. In one point it mentioned how waking up at 5am is beneficial to getting more out of your day as well as creating a healthier sleep cycle. I crack a smile at this because this is no coincidence.

For me, the biggest bummer of this was the fact that I was in the middle of finishing up a dream. Ironically, at the point that my alarm went off, I was saying ‘goodbye’ to all of those who helped me on my journey, or at least that’s what it felt like. I do remember that I was able to say bye to the two who guided me the most, or again, that’s what it felt like. The first was a woman, her hair pinned back at the sides like a 1940s war nurse. She wore a thin white silky, dress, with flowers embroidered on the hem of the skirt part. She was taller than me, slim, and hugged me tight as we said our goodbyes. As she pulled away tearfully walks away, she says to me, “Don’t forget your mother isn’t the only one who took care of you…” and her voice trails away. I’m then quickly distracted because I feel the urgency of having to say bye to the others. I see a young man; it was obvious that our hearts tugged for one another. As I make my way to him, I push past a ‘better’ looking chap who is trying to half-ass give me a kiss. He feels embarrassed but I don’t care. His vibe was “Gaston” ish from Beauty and the Beast. I move right past him and his inflated ego and wrap my arms tightly around ‘my’ guy, taking him by surprise. He seems sad, as he knew this day was coming. I hold him tight and say, “Thank you.” Looking over his shoulder I see an older man, standing in the distance. He seemed wiser. He patiently waited for his turn to say his farewells. Then, all of the sudden, like air being vacuumed out, I woke up to my alarm.

The feeling I came out with was that of wanting to have been given the chance to say bye to the others. Yet, I was content with being able to see the two that I did. Who were they? It was as if we all knew I wasn’t supposed to be there forever, wherever “there” is. I’m a firm believer in receiving messages through our dreams. I may not know exactly what this morning’s dream message was exactly, but I’ve got a feeling that I’ll be moving into a different phase of my life quite shortly.


Contemplation Station

All I’ve really been doing the last couple of months is contemplating. I think about everything. I think about where I was a year ago, or 5 years ago. I think about the people I have met along the way, and have also lost within this process called life. I mourn the loss of those who are still alive but are no longer with us. I think about certain things that I would never even think twice about before. Like, why I’ve gone to the beach more since moving back to New Jersey then I did the entire time it was living in Florida. I find myself wondering how I have gotten into a stagnant routine or which I’m constantly craving more for myself but yet can’t take steps towards changing certain things in order to get the ball rolling my direction. I think about how I’ve gotten in my own way, and although I would love to blame this pandemic, I can only truly blame myself. I think about how my passions such as writing and painting have taken a back seat to drinking and thinking. I guess the silver lining to all of this is that at least I’m thinking.