3 Days In

I have officially been 32 for three days now and although I have always known that I would love my 30’s, I didn’t think I was going to do so as much I do.

I feel powerful and assertive. I am truly comfortable in my own skin. I love that even though I may not know exactly what I want in all aspects of my life, I do know exactly what I want (or don’t want) right now.

“Do I want to pick up that work shift tonight? Nope. Do I want to date seriously right now? Nope. Do I feel like going on a random adventure to wherever the heck I want? Hell Yes! Am I going to wait around for others in order to realize my dreams? Nope.”

I’m not concerned about others and their role in my life as I once to be. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I care about those that are in my life. I am nice to strangers. I love and cherish humanity. All I’m saying is that I cannot and will not place my life and my potential level of happiness in their hands.

Most of my early to mid 20’s were lived thinking that I knew so much when in actuality I knew nothing at all. Not only that but I was constantly making decisions based on other’s wants and needs instead of my own. Back then I had  no clue what I truly wanted. Once I was humbled and began to realize all of this, I was opened to a deeper sense of self-discovery. My late 20’s was the beginning stage of my core self-discovery, because let us be real, life is ultimately about self-discovery. I discovered my core “self” and what it needed and wanted. These past couple of years of entering and beginning my 30’s has been a time of implementation.  I have been working on better decision making, and when I say “better” I mean better for myself, as well as taking steps towards goals I have always wanted to keep for myself.

Now I can say that my ways have changed just like the taste buds on a tongue’s pallet. My inner child lives on but its thinking has gotten a bit more wise; a bit more acquired. I look forward to all the happiness I’m going to be bringing upon myself. I’ve got this new zest to life and it’s slowly awakening my life’s purpose.

Lovely Metamorphosis

A lovely girl she was… and then she changed.

It was like someone pulled back the curtain and there she stood exposed for the world to see. There no longer was beautiful handcrafted drapery shielding her away from the world, and she hadn’t been the one to slowly pull back the covering. It had been abruptly snatched from her, taken by an unsuspecting thief that lurked among the friendly faces. He was betrayal incarnate.

Bare and raw, her tainted self stood there and she didn’t even bother to hide it. Years had passed and flawlessly she’d always maintained character. Now she was exhausted and could no longer muster the strength to hold the act together.  Yet, instead of cringing, she stood tall, chin held high. In the eyes of those who mattered, she was lovely and yes, she had changed. The woman was now as beautiful as ever.

Scared of this new unknown. Yet, for her the only thing scarier than the unknown was herself. In her mind she was now the embodiment of what is the unknown with the capability of decision making and that was the scary part. She no longer knew who she was, or had she ever? The fear lingers as it slowly trails within her veins and her trust in the Universe is the air that carries her effortlessly. Sure she may not know what the future may bring nor where she really wants it to go. She may no longer know herself well but understands the point is in the journey getting there.  With that knowledge she takes one step after another towards the edge of a world she once knew. She reaches the end and slowly leans forward allowing herself to fall freely towards a new life. She falls and just before crashing below, one wing and then another begin to spread. Her life and her soul beginning a lovely metamorphosis.