One’s mind is as deep as the galaxy’s core and at times can get as dark as the bottom pit of the Earth’s seas. Raging internal wars will occasionally interrupt our external lives making life difficult and at times unbearable. We fight with ourselves, with others, and with imaginary entities. It’s only when we learn to control it that we can make it calm. Still, that only comes with practice and only after we have even acknowledged that we need to do so.
I found myself swimming in unchartered territory last night. I was watching t.v with my pup when she began clearing her throat and at times, gasped for air as if she was trying to catch her breath. My dog isn’t some young pup anymore. She’s 16 years old so during moments such as these my own breath will catch and my mind begins to wander. Dark thoughts begin to toss around my mind. Images of her falling ill and me not being able to do anything about it. It’s a reality that continuously lingers in the back of my mind. A reality that isn’t far from someday happening. As my mind played the unwanted scenario, my body began to act as if it were really happening. My heart began to beat a little faster. My eyes began to tear up. It was as if I was experiencing a loss that hadn’t happened yet.
This is where meditation and learning to silence the mind comes into play. Where before my mind would have continued to run with the thoughts that began to plague my mind, now I find that I can slowly still it. I relaxed my breathing and the thoughts that swirled my mind and suffocated my heart began to subside. I took myself out of a future; a moment that hadn’t happened yet, and brought myself back to the present moment, sitting on the couch, snuggled with my puppy who had stopped gasping for air and was currently staring up at me with happy eyes.
The mind can be trick There have been many times when I’ve found myself having a conversation with people who aren’t there over encounters and situations that hadn’t happened. I’ve gotten as worked up as I would have if the confrontation were to be actually taking place. Meditation has really been such a great tool in helping me control my thoughts. It also helps when it comes to me being less reactive and when it comes to situations that frustrate me or are completely out of my control. It seems strange or silly when Ii talk about it for I am no meditation expert but over the years of me slowly leaning into the practice I have come to truly understand how great of a weapon it is to have in your arsenal when it comes to overcoming one’s own mind.
If you find that your mind is one vast ocean full of turbulent thoughts, waves of ideas that come crashing down on you, debilitating you when you least expect it, try meditating. Slowly, with practice, you can guide your mind towards the stillness of peace. A place where the ripples of the mind become calm and as still, and nothing but tranquility governing your mind.
Today, enjoying you is what I really want to do. I crave the comforting silence that comes from being enveloped by you. It is like a fuzzy, warm blanket embracing me during a dark and cold winter’s night.
Some people run from you. They try desperately to avoid any moment they could have with you. They will force themselves into dissatisfying situations as to not share a second by your side. Not I. I, instead, yearn to find any stolen chance I can get to have you for even a moment’s time.
You are what recharges my battery. You help clear my mind and my emotions from the confusion and murkiness of what at times can be called life. The constant chaos that circles above my head clanging its pots and pans for attention can be muted by time spent within you.
Alone time, you are my friend, my much needed companion. In a world where we are always surrounded by some person or thing, pulling for our attention this way and that way, I find solace in you. You allow for me to become reasonable during times of distress and frustration. When I am too high or too low for my own good, you are there to level me once again.
Many don’t understand this relationship between you and I. They see it as hint of depression. They’ll think that it is a form of me crying out for help or that I am in need of attention. If only they understood the absolute joy you bring me and the joy you could bring them if they took the time to find that moment too. They will read this and make claims of how unhappy I must be if I need to have my alone time… Oh how that thinking tickles me.
Only those who truly know me can understand how ignorance has poisoned how those people think. You are my one forever lover. Our rendezvous, meditation time.
I almost forgot about detachment. The stepping out of the circus that the external world most times is. I lost myself for quite sometime because I allowed for other people’s bullshit to become my own. I cannot tell you how annoyed I was to be aware that I was becoming less aware. That’s what I call tragic. My days were being filled with unnecessary distractions that I deemed necessary. One day blurred into the other and then again and again. I had forgotten about my stones and crystals and all of their uses. I forgot my prayers to my Universal Mother and Earthly Father. Meditation was no longer a thought. I began to simply exist.
Time goes on and I begin to grow unhappy. I found no joy in the simple things because the simple things weren’t being acknowledged. I found only content in the big things. A mere moment of satisfaction that flickered out barely leaving a memory behind. An unhappy soul begins to act out and so mine did. It was in an argument with a fellow troubled soul that I found myself asking, “What am I doing? Why do I care this much?” To me I found caring too much equally as harmful as arguing too much. A little bit of it is healthy. More than that and you’re asking for trouble. It was then that I began to look inside of myself. I began having an internal conversation to try to figure out how I had gotten to such a point. I knew about meditation, about the effects of internal dialogue, of how to not let the outside world determine your internal happiness and feeling of self worth. I had stopped practicing all of the things I had learned in the last few years and I was watching it create havoc on my life.
The second I began to realize all of this I took action. It’s only action that gets anything done. There was no point in me coming to this realization and not doing anything about it, right? I mean, did I want to be happy? Of course!
That night I took the last hour of my waking day to sit quietly in my room. No electronics running, other than my phone in the distance, playing calm meditation music. I sat and cleared my mind for just a few minuets. I hadn’t meditated for such a while that in took me a second to really get into it. Once my thoughts began pouring back in, I did a physical brain dump. I heard these thoughts but never listened. The moment one thought finished I visualized popping it, like a balloon, and the thought disappeared into nothing. Soon my mind quieted again and there I sat, just being one with myself.
The next day I felt as light as a feather. I had slept like a rock the night before and woke up with a sense of rejuvenation. That day had gone smoothly. There had been no drama, no feeling of sadness. That night I took advantage of my sage and of course, my crystals, infusing them into what I was now making my nightly ritual. I began to feel a momentum build in my life and this is where I am at now, just riding the wave.
I now realize how easy it is to become engulfed in life and in people’s dilemmas, even after knowing all about the laws of the Universe and the gifts it gives us to counter the negative. I make a conscious effort everyday to not allow being swallowed up by negativity again. I’m sure that one day life will throw me for a big loop threatening once again my awareness. It’s only due time for it’s the yin and yang of life. By then I wish to be stronger willed and able to walk through the storm without getting caught up in the downpour. So until then, I practice Mindfulness and embrace the power of Positive Thinking.