moving forward

Wrap Me Up in Bubble Wrap

~ Natal Galvan

I’m still not used to all the twists and turns and surprising drops that life sometimes takes, however I am getting much better at being able to deal with them without freaking out. I’m still struggling in regards to patiently dealing when other people’s life choices, decisions, and moods affect my day-to-day living or routine. I don’t have a lot of consistency in my life so I cherish the few routines I do have. They are the only times I can really count on to bringing me back to my center. They have become my zen moments. They have become the times that I can count on to escape and get away when need be. When other people disrupt that, it really truly grinds my gears.

In the last few weeks I have found myself countless times having to grit my teeth, bite my tongue, suppress any real opinion for fear of offending feelings. I have a lot of patience for such things because honestly, not everybody deserves to hear a true opinion. Not everyone can take it. Not everybody wants to hear it. “We were born with two ears to listen and one mouth to speak with, that’s two times the listening!” Isn’t that how the saying goes? Well, it is true to be. I am okay with it not always being about me, and having to share opinions or experiences without being asked. But soon patience starts running thin especially when those same people that you’re constantly interacting with start messing with your mojo, and when I mean “mojo” I mean my sacred routines.

I’m going to say that currently in my life there are three major players, which I won’t mention who they are. Each one of these major characters one way or another pull the strings to my puppet, meaning me. It is true when I say that I definitely feel I have regressed back into some of my old codependency ways. Some of those ways being, me not ever wanting to say no, or wanting let others down. Another way being that I do love to rescue and help and make people feel as though they’re being saved, that they’re okay and in good hands. I empty my cup, and empty it until there is no more, and still try to give from my empty cup. Before you know it I am at my wits end about to rip my hair out because I am depleted and drained and don’t know how to get myself out and back into drinking from my own cup again.

The last couple of days I have found much more “me” time and in that time I have concluded that if I want to take reins of my own life again and control the direction in which my future is going, then I definitely have to put my foot down. I started to be more of my authentic self. I make sure that before I leave the house in the morning I imagine myself covering myself from head to toe in thick bubble wrap. This bubble wrap is to deflect any and all sorts of negativity that could come my way, bouncing it right off of me. I have started to note when conflicting situations arise and instead of allowing myself to get caught up in the emotion and feed into it, I just say no more, turn around, and walk away.

I need to really reiterate to myself that I do not need to deal with other people’s shit. When I do, that is when I start losing my life and start living theirs. Regardless of who it is and how much love I have for them, this life experience is a short one and I came here to experience it fully for myself. I need to have that reminder in the back of my mind because it is a very strong and important message. If you’re asking me , it’s actually the most important one in my opinion.

Inevitable Crossings

~ Natal Galvan

South Jersey, a small little beach town cannot hide what you’re not trying to see. It’s been 10 months and I avoided running into the past that I have worked so hard to forget. Still, it is like a shadow that inevitably reveals itself, reminding you of what once was. It is crazy for me to see how much others have not been able to move on with their lives even years later when memories are now fuzzy with dust.

When I moved away the second time it was due to two heartbreaks, the passing of my closest cousin and the infidelity of my best friend. For years I delt with both losses. One still wears on my heart like an itchy wool sweater because he is no longer able to enjoy and share in the journey of this world. The other I learned to forgive as well as forget. I knew that once coming back to my hometown, the later would resurface but I would be damned if I would make it easy for a chance encounter. I almost made it an entire year.

Like mentioned before, this area is small, where everyone knows everyone and if they don’t know you, there will still be various mutual acquaintances to keep you tethered. That’s how we ended up crashing into each other again. I remember it being innocent and refreshing. I felt as though full closure was finally had, and to know that we could each move on with our lives without the weight of a tragic and heartbreaking past weighing us down was a great feeling. In my mind there was no longer a full need to dodge, for both parties were in accordance, a synchronized dance. Yet, it was two days later that I heard through the grapevine that things were not well; drama was to ensue.

Honestly, what the actual fuck did I think was going to happen? Not everyone is going to be like me. Not everyone can forgive or forget, even if it was them that were the snake in Eden’s garden. I decided to ignore the gossip, although juicy. I also couldn’t help feel the slight ego boost that infiltrated my soul. A moment in which it all came full circle, knowing that ultimately they did not succeed in their malicious plan to thwart something so natural. Never the less, it was none of my business and I wanted no part of being caught up in the spectacle. She, however, could not help it.

Weeks later I run into him again, even though at this point there was no mistaking, it wasn’t coincidental. I knew he was finding ways to bring himself around and on this specific night I decided to let him know that this, what he was doing was not only brazen, but dissapointing. I now understood that there had not been much change that had taken place in the time of my absence. Even though I wanted to believe that with age there had been much growing amongst all involved, that had simply not been the case.

“We need to talk,” he begged as I turned away from him. “Just give me a minute.” Without wanting to be rude or cold, I allowed him the minute, but he only got about 10 seconds in before I stopped him. He began by asking me why it was that I had contacted his wife in order to tell her that we had seen each other. I laughed. I was shocked at the lie she had configured and even more so at the fact that he believed her. The serpent had slithered her way into trying to gain information and he fell for her trickery. I give her props, but then immediately took it back. I don’t like to be used as a manipulation tactic.

“I have absolutley no need to contact your wife. I haven’t spoken to her in over 5 years. I also have no time for childish games. Please, both of you need to forget about me just as I have moved on from all of you. You’re no more than a grain of sand in my sandbox.” And with that I relocated to another area of the bar.

He ended up following right behind but his boys, my angels, decided to send him packing, but not before he could rob himself a hug and a drunken smooch on my cheek. A smooch that cost him a hard and boney elbow to his chest. “Get off of me! Don’t you EVER do that again!” With that, he was wisked away into an uber.

Apologies and messages of shock radiated from his friends. I wasn’t too surprised at his actions so I told his friends there truly was no need of an apology from them. This was exactly the kind of thing I was used to years ago, when all of this was my life. Now however, I would not tolerate the disrespect be it towards me or his serpent. I left this life long ago and there was no way in hell I wanted any part of it back. A friendship, at most, would have been the only thing I was open for when it came to these circus clowns but now seeing as though conflict is all they still swam in, I was not at all interested.

As sure as I am that I will see them around for the world is too small, I am equally as sure that I won’t even take a glance in their direction. All I will say is that it’s sad to see people in your life staying trapped in a time that truly has no present purpose other than to keep you chained to unease and unhappiness. When you notice that their days are filled with empty monotony and lack of passion. They mesure their success with titles and tangibles and never seem to notice that they never evolved into their full potential simply because they got caught up with trying to manipulate life. Life isn’t a game. It is a beautiful journey of inner growth and spiritual learning. Many may not understand this, but I do. So I will continue on my path without taking much of a glance back, because what’s important to me is making a consious effort in maintaing my inner peace, while showing others that it is ok to evolve in to a more happier and peaceful version of what once was.

I Can Assure You This Much

~ Natal Galvan ~ 1 Comment

In my 31 years of observing life , one of the many things I have noticed with human beings is that no matter how kind or good-hearted you may be, you will always have at least one hater among the friendly faces.

People will hate you for your honesty.

People will hate you for pursuing a better life for yourself.

People will hate you for going after your dreams and not settling for less.

People will hate you for your happiness, especially if it outweighs their own.

They will hate if you chose to walk the unbeaten path.

They will hate you for putting your feelings and goals above their own.

Maybe you weren’t there for them the one time out of the 80, and because you weren’t a help that ONE TIME, they now hate you for it; stating that you were never there for them when they needed you.

Maybe your priorities are set a little different, different from their own. Don’t worry. They will hate you for that too.

Have you been sharing your stories, lets say, for constructive purposes? Have you been sharing in order to help a greater good? Yep, they will hate you for that too.

Let us take a look at some of the greats: Buddha, Jesus Christ, Princess Diana, Bono, Mother Teresa, all of which are some of the greatest humanitarians that this planet has ever seen. Yet even they have people with a list a mile long stating the things they hate about them.

I am no Mother Teresa I can assure you that much, but I can relate as I am sure you all can (yea, I’ll have a hater for this statement too) . We all have a hater or two (or 20) hanging around reminding us why we are “terrible” people. For many of you out there the need to please everyone you come in contact with is great, but I can assure you that you will drive yourself crazy trying to satisfy the many personalities that roam this planet. No one entity can make every human being happy, not even God, so how could you?

This life is your only life to live so live it to your truth without concern and without regret. You can still be a good person and selfishly live your life. Our time here is limited so the worst thing you could do is worry about what others around you make think of you. Most times they are lost as to what they should be doing with themselves, with their lives. Live your truth. Go after your own happiness. Do not resent those who hate you for what you are doing. Instead show them that they too can achieve the things they want out of life if they decide to one day tune out negativity. Be that example and show the world that no matter what, no matter how tainted and imperfect you are, you are still able to dance among the stars.