Month: August 2016

Effing Hormones

~ Natal Galvan

She sprayed me. Right in my face. She took the hose that she uses to spray the crap off of dirty dishes and sprayed me in the face with it.

She’s my work hoe. I love this girl. She washes the dishes at the restaurant I work at and her and I are inseparable. Whenever we have shifts together, usually every Thursday, her and I are fucking around the entire day. We gossip. We play pranks on each other. Whatever needed to make the work day flow with fun that’s what we do.

Work gangsters is how I’d describe us. We’re good at our jobs. We never call out. we go hard and play hard….

Except on this day.

I went to sleep the night before feeling emotional. I woke up the next day with a headache, my boobs hurt, and emotionally sensitive. Yes, if you’re thinking that these are the symptoms of a girl’s menstrual you are correct. I hadn’t gotten it yet but these symptoms always start up a few days prior. I knew it would be a long day at work but I mentally prepared myself for it. On my way into work I repeated my morning affirmations that would allow me to positively get through the day.

But then… I get to work and the mood sets in.

I clock in and look around. The place is empty. It’s that time of year where school is back in session and so the tourists on the island are gone. It’s going to be a slow day and if the rest of the week is looking like this I for sure won’t be able to pay my rent on time…again. Normally, this fact wouldn’t bother me so much. Things get paid when they can get paid, but today is different. My “friend” is coming to visit so therefore I’m suffering of multi-personality disorder. There is happy me and irritated me. Right now I’m irritated me.

There are four servers scheduled to work today so we definitely won’t make money. I’m thinking about talking one of my co-workers into letting me close for them so that I can make every dollar I can make while here, when I walk into the kitchen and my work hoe says, “Mija, what’s wrong?? I can tell you’re not you.” and she pulls one of my curls that dangles by my ear. I inform her about my “friend” arriving in the next few days and she understands. I mean it is the one thing that no matter what kind of girl you are, we can all relate on this one issue. So she got me, or so I thought.

A couple hours pass and although I’ve only had a few tables I am exhausted. Another one of the many crappy symptoms of this desired yet annoying monthly visit. It’s 10:30 am and since I did end up talking my co-worker into letting me close (which really didn’t take much talking) I still had about 5 hours left. No matter which way I looked at it, today was a no win-win situation.

I clear the empty plates off my only table and run them to the overflowing bus tub. I do this of course, while getting their nasty, double-dipped, ketchup all over my fingers. One of my biggest peeves at work. I head back into the kitchen and wash my hands. As I walk back to the trash bin, throw out the paper towel I used to dry my hands and turn around,

……..SPPPPPLLLLLAAAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……

I am struck in the face with a steady stream of water. I stand there with my eyes closed for what was probably a millisecond but felt like 5. All I hear are the laughs of my co-workers. My work hoe got me good.

Typically I can appreciate this type of prank. Hell, it’s something I would to her. Today not so much. I opened my eyes and saw her curled against the corner laughing. “Lana!” I yelled half serious half jokingly and as I stormed passed her to grab another paper towel I took the opportunity to slap her hard in the back. I head straight to the ladies room to check on my make-up. I didn’t have much on but I figured my hair already looked a mess, Florida humidity does NOT play, my face should at least look decent. I get to the door, locked. Of fucking course.

I walk back into the kitchen to finish wiping my face. Lana is still back there laughing. “You hit me so hard I think you knocked a lung out!” She says through her giggles. “Good!!” I say “I can’t believe you hosed me in the face! The FACE! I still have the entire day to go and not only do I feel like shit but now I look like shit!” She begins to laugh harder, “Oh shut up. You got me back good with that hit. Plus, you always look like shit.” It took all of my strength to not hurt her. I was so annoyed. It was like my blood was turning into little annoyed rage bubbles that were expanding through my veins. I had to walk away.

I spent the next hour refocusing my energy on cleaning and taking care of what few tables I had coming in. I needed to distract my hormone ridden mind and decompress. I knew what I felt earlier was an over reaction. Normally I wouldn’t have cared. Lana and I had joked around like this every day since the day we met. Today was no different. Yea maybe she ruined my make-up and didn’t feel sorry about it. Who cares!? Isn’t that what friendships are all about??

Guilt started to set in. I felt like a douche for reacting the way I did.

I get sat another table but before I head over to greet them, I run back into the kitchen, head straight towards Lana and give her the biggest hug. I seriously squeeze the shit out of her. I then plant a huge kiss on her cheek and say sorry for being a twat. She laughs, “Will you just get your period already!!” she says. I smile back at her and head out to see what measly tip I can incur from my new table.

For the rest of the day I felt amazing. The restaurant never got busy. I ended up walking out earlier than anticipated and even though I still wasn’t my super cheery self, I still walked out feeling alright. Sure my body was getting ready to bleed for god knows how many days this time around, but one thing was for sure, it felt good having someone in my life like Lana. A person who can hose me in the face when I’m feeling down and even through the rage I still have love for. It’s those small little relationships that people constantly overlook and take for granted. The fact that as human beings we feel a  range of emotions, one of them the feeling of guilt, speaks loudly of human consciousness and once we take the steps, human kindness.

I love my Lana. She taught me a valuable lesson that day, or a lesson I had once been taught but she reinforced. Sometimes just simply saying sorry can be the best spa treatment you could ever give yourself.

Broke Rich

~ Natal Galvan

I buy the generic sometimes because they’re almost equivalent but cheaper, but only on the stuff that is just the same. When it comes to paper towels, toilet paper, things of that nature I splurge on. There’s a big difference between the generic and brand name. No need in cheaping it up when you know you’re fixin’ to use double the amount by doing so. Meats, my Almond milk, eggs, I splurge on those too. Everything else? Generic unless of course there is a killer buy one get one deal on the fancy stuff.

I pick and choose which bills I pay on time if at all. Usually the ones with the lowest late fee gets paid last. Rent is always number one so if I’m behind on that, well everyone else is just going to have to wait. No, I’m not scared of the “I.O.Them” callers. Thanks to caller I.D I just simply ignore their calls until I am able to to make a payment. I laugh because sometimes it doesn’t even go past the first ring before I ignore the call. That must equally annoy them as much as their calls have the potential to annoy other people, so I think of it as retribution.

I pick and choose which invite from friends I accept. If I order take-out, I make sure to order a combo that has enough food for me to divvy up for two meals, and if I go out to dinner I load up on bread and salad then take the entree home for lunch the next day.

Being broke isn’t easy. There is a lot of strategizing one must do on a day to day basis. Everything from the amount you eat per meal so that groceries last you until next pay day, to the amount of soap you use to wash dishes, to pinching quarters for laundry. Every move is carefully made as to not go without. Or at least not go without often.  Sure, maybe I don’t get to buy the things I want anytime I want them. Maybe I can’t get up one random day, plan a cool trip someplace, and just go. Yet one major plus about being broke? You still have the chance to be rich if you just get past the materialistic.

There are some that argue that only the poor say, “life isn’t all about money” because they know no better. Well I say back to them, if you believe that they’re wrong because they have never been rich then the same can be said about you if you have never been poor. Being raised in a middle class family and going from that to making an easy $1500 a week, there was a point that I was just throwing money away. I would literally spend just to spend and looking back on it now it makes me queasy. Now I’m back to bringing home a small fraction of what I used to make a week, and to be honest, I am ok with that. I can even go as far as saying that I like it.

I appreciate every purchase I make down to the nitty gritty. Toothpaste, groceries, even cleaning supplies, when I walk out of the store I show gratitude to the Universe that I was able to buy what I needed. If I have the opportunity to buy something I actually want I am elated. I’ve recently made mini trips within my state, researching and finding local hidden adventures to cure my travel craze until a big trip can be planned. The smaller things in life become the most fun and memorable and nothing is taken for-granted, even the most minute of things. Moments of boredom are even beneficial. When you’re broke it’s difficult to keep yourself entertained and that there leads to creativity. So yes, I may be broke but my life is still rich. I’m broke rich.

Being broke can be shit but there is always a silver lining to everything. That’s my law to live by. You can still dance with happiness when you’re broke. Love is just as easily available for the broke than it is for the rich. I’ll even say more so. Life when you’re broke is more of a mystery and unpredictable. And us broke folk can easily go with the flow and roll with the punches.

Do I wish that I could have more money? Of course but only just enough and not more, because it’s like my man used to say, this line I’ll never forget,

“Mo’ money mo’ problems…” -Biggie Smalls

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Photo Credit: Natal Galvan, Muse: My Change and I

Postings

~ Natal Galvan

We all feel a little mischievous at one point or another. You could be having a dull day, for instance. To spice things up a bit an idea might hit you, that normally on any other day you may be opposed to it, but on a dull day like today you’re all about it and the randomness that it could bring you.

Life has recently left me with quite a few dull days. Not a lick of adventure, not even a spark of inspiration. My creativity has been halted a bit considering if you don’t live fiercely your inspiration for creation will also suffer.

It wasn’t even 6 months ago when I decided to cut my days at the restaurant so I would have more time to do what I loved and that was to write, paint, and to actually enjoy my limited life here in Florida.  It wasn’t long after when I found myself in trouble with the law halting any future adventures I was to have for about the next year.

So here I am, bored, and what do I do?? Well, you know what they say about idle hands right? Idle hands, devil’s workshop?

I one day, out of sheer boredom, came up with a way to spark that literary fire. I wanted to write and instead of using those cheesy, uncreative writing prompt apps, I decided to go fishing for stories instead, anonymously. What better way to get a good story and keep your identity hidden than to search the classifieds, no?

Ah Craigslist. A place to find used furniture, volunteer opportunities, employment, and even love?Yes. that’s right. Love.

The personals section on CL has the most interesting characters on the net that are in search of that filthy yet blessed feeling. The emotion that makes this world livable. Love. One of the biggest questions I ask myself while reading these online posts is “Does one seriously think that by posting on CL one will find true love?” Can one be so hopeful, yet desperate? I go from reading the men seeking women’s section to the women seeking men’s. I read the casual encounters then tread on over to missed connections. The stories of those who have seemed to have fallen in love at first sight yet had no chance but now to do anything about their missed encounters. Do they ever get a response?? Does anything ever come from their missed connections post? Do they get to kindle that flame they once only dreamed of experiencing?

I decided to make a post myself and see what ended up coming from that. Again, what is it that they say about idle hands??

I picked the genre of Missed Connections. I felt like that would have been the best place to post that would give me the least amount of perverted responses. My message went something like this:

Ok,
So this probably won’t be seen by the person it is intended for BUT I decided I would go for it anyways…
I just saw you 20mins ago..
You were wearing a maroonish colored t-shirt, with shorts and flip flops. You had a tattoo on the back of your left calf and you have the cutest hair ever. Curly, shoulder length, light brown? You had almonds, kale, and other healthy yummies in your cart.
We first bumped into one another while we were looking for cell phone cases. I was wearing a bright yellow work shirt and was totally in your way and didn’t notice. When I said sorry you said, “Don’t be sorry!”
We later ran into one another in the produce section. The way you slid around with your cart was kinda cute.
If the genders were reversed I would have totally asked you out… the fact that I didn’t strike up conversation is now bumming me out.
Anyways, if you read this, e-mail me 🙂 I don’t know many people out here and not many catch my eye so I’m taking a chance here, haha!
I truly hope to hear back from you…

 

Keep in mind, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED. I made this entire scenario up. Every bit of it was a detailed LIE. A rouse I had come up with off of the top of my creative little (big) head and within minuets I was getting responses.

Some of you out there are thinking, “She is so mean, toying with people’s hearts like this!!” And I say onto you dudes … “Are you kidding me?”  You must be..

My first response was literally 4 mins after my post. It read,

“You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Would you mind moving down south and giving me some of that good brain?”  Mmmmm, yeaa noooo.

The second one came in just a few short seconds after and read,

“Got any pics? I sent you one..” I open the attachment and low and behold what is starting back at me?? A chode.

The responses were pouring in and all of them were sexual in nature. I began to slowly understand the true meaning of the personals section on CL and shuddered with the thought. Who actually meets up with these people??? I’ve often seen on talk shows people addicted to sex discreetly meeting up with randoms off of CL but I never really believed it. Could it actually be so common?? Reply after reply, all I was getting were gross messages of men and their inner most sexual desires. That I will leave for another blog post, maybe even a book. All I knew is that I had read enough and just when I was to take my fake post down I got a message that genuinely freaked me out.

It started off very normal. If I hadn’t made up the post I would have been ecstatic reading it. This is what it said,

“Hey You, I’m glad you wrote. I was thinking of doing the same but didn’t know how to even start off. When I saw you today it was way before your first time mentioned. You had walked in pushing your shopping cart and all I saw was your beautiful smile. I came up with a way to say Hi and that was by making my way over to the cell phone cases. You were so sweet and from that point on I just haven’t been able to really shake you from my thoughts. Shoot me a message back. Let’s talk.”

I was freaked out. The message was cute if only what I had initially written would have been true but it wasn’t. Why would someone reply as though it had really happened? Let’s say my scenario had really gone down the way I said it did. Let’s say I posted this on CL in hopes to really find this person. This person has replied in a way to make me believe it was them when it all actuality it was a complete stranger fucking with me.

I sat there for a while not knowing what to do. Should I go on with this and see how far it could go? But I was upset. How dare this person lead me on. Even if this wasn’t real life, it could have been. They just toyed with my emotions.

And then BAM…

It hit me.

What was so different from what I was doing by posting a fake post on CL?? Was I too not toying with people’s emotions?? Even if the story wasn’t real, for a split second as they read my post in its entirety, they believed it was. There was no difference between this person and myself. I was bored and made up a post. They were bored and decided to respond to it.

I got it. I really did. Yet there was just one more thing that was bothering me. This person could have been anyone. A bored group of kids scanning the classifieds for a good laugh. A writer like myself looking for some inspiration. A lonely old man who believed maybe this could lead into something more. Or even a serial killer hoping to set up his next victim.

The last thought really disturbed me. It was a total possibility. How many times have you read a news headline about an unsuspecting victim falling prey to a killer met online? One too many times that’s for sure. In this case, Florida being a state known for it’s weirdos this could be more certain than false.

I logged into my CL account and deleted the post. I delete the emails. I quickly shut off my computer and went for a walk. I had freaked myself out. I had gone looking for what was essentially trouble and I no longer cared for it. Then I decided to come back home and write. I accomplished my goal of killing boredom and in doing so found a bit of inspiration for a couple new projects while at the same time realizing how thin a line it is that separates sheer boredom from malicious insanity.

11247633_829717257119500_379354940_n Photo Credit: Natal Galvan

 

 

 

Only Two

~ Natal Galvan

I’ve only truly been in love twice. Although I’ve dated A LOT, no one quite captured my heart and forever changed my soul, no matter how small a change, like my only two loves.

Both, needless to say, ended pretty tragically.

The first one, my high school sweetheart. A romeo, a lady’s man. That would always be our demise. I spent the better half of my teenage years and half of my twenties on and off again with him. The man had broken my heart in every way possible and still I would go back for more. It wasn’t until the ultimate betrayal on his part that I decided no relationship between the two could ever be. The true sadness rested in the fact that being as though we had known each other for so many years we had truly become great friends. In the end I had lost not only my boyfriend but also my best friend.

The second love of mine came at a time where life for me had hit an all time low. This was when I lived in California. I met him at the local library where I would go to take out a shit load of books for me to read and movies for my sister and I to watch. He was a couple years younger than me but he could have fooled anyone as to him being older. He was well educated and mature. Well mannered and treated his mother like a queen. Not only her but he treated me like a queen. He was an amazing person to be around. His friends would tell you so. He was the one who made me realize how important a close circle of friends are. The value of true friendship. Like I said before, we met at a time in my life where I was broken. He made me feel amazing no matter how broken I had become, but no amount of love given could have saved our relationship. I was moving back to New Jersey and our love was so much that they only way we saw it was to have to let each other go. A love truly parted by life but never fully extinguished.

Both loves were vastly different. One lasted almost an entire lifetime while the other was more like a lifetime happened in just a few months. One was so tainted and damaged that no amount of time could ever heal and make it beautiful again, while the other had a freshness and energy, a bright light that shined from it that time could never dim. Both loves felt different. One felt more strangulating and slightly exuded obsession, making anxiety the most common emotion felt. The other love was so liberating. We were so bound by our love, so enthralled with one another, yet it was a breath of fresh air. It was easy.

My loves were different yet in other ways similar. I learned so much from each relationship. I learned things that would serve me well for the next one. Like I mentioned before I have dated a lot and one thing I do know, each and every new person that makes it into  my life has been of value to me. Whether today we are in each other’s lives or not, I have learned something to help me out later on down the road and if for only that reason alone, I cherish the time spent together, no matter how good or bad it was.

I look forward to meeting my next love. I feel like it’s definitely going to be IT. I’ve been through all the preparation. I have weeded out the confusion that plagues the minds of people when they become seriously committed to someone early on in life. I have not only had my fun but I have learned many valuable lessons while doing so. I understand life and the real meaning behind it. I can appreciate and love, while also being more aware and mindful, more vulnerable and open, because that’s how you connect with people, by being vulnerable.

Looking back on everything that I have gone through with past relationships I am grateful because although I won’t be going into it with the heart of innocence I’ll be able to see and feel love for what it truly is, with out the games, just its purity.

I sometimes think about my two loves and wonder how it is that they’re doing. You must be thinking that I am probably wishing one luck while I wish for the other misery and unhappiness but that is not me. I wouldn’t ever wish difficulty on another. The way I look at it, him who had broken my spirit to love I wish the treasures of the world for is he not just as broken as I was, or maybe yet even more so? Only hurt people hurt people and I know enough about him to understand his hurt even if he did bury it years ago.

In a world in which the ultimate goal is to find true love and happiness, I can look back on my life and say that Yes I have truly loved. If it weren’t to happen again, which would be a tragedy in my book, at least I have had the opportunity to feel what it was to love someone other than myself, than my family, than even my pets. I have loved a stranger before and it speaks volumes as to the capacity my heart can hold. I wish to discover love again, this time it hanging around longer. This time it being both reciprocated and permanent. Yet I cannot help but wonder, how permanent could love ever be if there is no such thing as forever??

 

 

A Tiny Web Fear Weaves

~ Natal Galvan

I’ve heard the same old sayings since I was a kid….

“Patience is a virtue” Or “Don’t look for it, for it will find you.”

Or better yet, my favorite, “What you’re looking for will be right under your nose.”

When it comes to romance, love, ect… we’ve got sayings for days. When giving advice I too have been guilty of spewing out the cliche lines I have just now shared with you, but you know what?? I feel no guilt of doing so because no matter how cliche they may sound, they are cliche for a reason. Truth! Truth is what lies behind the repetitive. They are stated because they are true! Although I have hated these sayings because of how insensitive they are to one’s needs at the moment, I have recently understood. I am in the situation where “it” was indeed under my nose the entire time. I was just too blind too see and too busy to stop and smell the roses. “It” was lying under my nose the entire time and not in an obscure manner but in the most obvious way possible. It couldn’t have been more obvious even if the man was holding a sign made from God with an arrow pointing to himself that read “Here I am”

Yes, that’s right I am talking about finding the “One” (or so I claim…again…) and I guess I shouldn’t say I found him for it was the other way around completely. It seems as though he had found me years ago and I just didn’t want to believe it. In a way I kick myself because I could have been living in this moment of pure bliss for quite a while now, but since I was too busy looking for love in every other person in any other situation, I missed out on extra time.  I’ll admit, that maybe the timing before wasn’t right. Maybe I didn’t see it before because I wasn’t ready to see him for what he was? I’ve done much growing since first meeting this chap, growing that wouldn’t have ever happened if we would have linked up earlier, so I mean maybe that’s why it didn’t happen sooner. All I know is that it is happening now and I am ecstatic even if our situation isn’t the most ideal.

You read right, our situation isn’t the most ideal and why? Because years ago I fucked up. It’s a difficult thing to acknowledge when you fuck up but when it’s the truth it’s better to face it head on than to come up with excuses that will never help the situation. It wasn’t something that I purposely went out seeking. I don’t go out into the world and say to myself, “You know what? I’m going to royally fuck up today and I hope that this small royal fuck up continues to haunt me years down the road.” No. That’s not how it went down then but it’s how it’s going down now. A small infraction of my part and now years down the spirally road I have walked down has it come back to bite me smack on the ass. And Ouch, does it hurt.

Funny thing too, it seems that when I look back at most of my mistakes, they always end up being the same exact mistake I make except in different situations.

I know you’re wondering what mistake I made and I will tell you, but before I do, I want to really express 1) How difficult it is for me to acknowledge my mistakes and 2) that the only reason I am willing to broadcast one of my many flaws in this little article of mine is only to help others who may one day read this. Learning from each other is a part of life and I wish to not take my secrets to the grave but to eventually share each and everyone of them so that someone else may decide to not take the road I have. Or maybe they will want to for maybe in their eyes it was not as much a mistake but as a proper learning curve.

So what did I do? What has been my mistake that seems to be the same one I keep repeating time and time again?? Detachment. Detaching myself from people is one of my most frequently made mistakes and although I am aware of this, it is hard for me in the moment to stop myself from doing it, especially when I feel that the reason for me to do so is a valid one.

If you’ve read any of my previous articles, you know or at least have an idea about me being diagnosed with Co-dependency. One of the conditions set for my probation not too long ago was to seek out therapy. 8 sessions were what I was to complete and thank the Universe I did because I learned so much about who I really was and why I am the way I am. Not too many people get the opportunity to figure out why they tick the way they do and I fortunately was given that chance. So six months ago I was told that I suffered from Co-dependency, which explained a lot and unlike the name makes it sound, I suffer from very high levels of commitment issues (in all aspects of my life). Not only do I fear commitment but I have an unhealthy obsession with people pleasing (explained to me as being an addiction). Some symptoms of Co-dependency are painful emotions (such as anxiety, low self esteem, hopelessness, ect..), problems with emotional intimacy (aka: letting people in), denial of ones own faults in problematic situations, needing to have control in any given situation, dysfunctional communication, obsession with things like taking care of others, instant reactivity, and setting poor boundaries with people involved in your life (friends, family, lovers..). When I began to really do research on what I was being told about myself, I had discovered so much about why I was the way I was, which in turn helped me to realize how much I had fucked up situations even more than I needed or even wanted to. Many times in trying to make my point of how upset I was or maybe simply not wanting to deal head on with the presented situation, I chose to walk away. Cut all ties from the issues at hand and never again face them. This is obviously not the way to go about problems, not in the least bit. Not if you ever want to overcome them because let me tell you, by sweeping it under the rug, the dirt is still there and eventually it’ll be brought back out in to the light. Another cliche saying, yet again because it is true.

He was under my nose the entire time. I had known him for years and never did I dance with the thought of him and I being together. He was a friend whom I could totally be myself around. Someone to share laughs with and make fun of life with. I could even share some of my most deepest darkest secrets with him without a seconds hesitation. I never considered him a best friend even. Just someone I met through a group of friends. Someone who was always there and so connected we became.

Long story short, because it is one hell of a long story, I stopped communicating with this group of friends. I detached. I was hurt by something and instead of dealing with the situation, I made my most infamous move and fell off the face of the earth. In the weeks leading up to my disappearance I felt like no matter what I did, I kept making small mistakes to annoy some of these friends of mine and the anxiety of it all I just couldn’t take. In my mind I figured, “Well if everything I do pisses you off, why be friends with me then??” So before I felt like I was to be rejected by them (which would have devastated my soul) I instead broke away. In short, I left them before I felt that they were going to leave me. That’s my MO. The fear of rejection has always plagued my life. Up until recently that is, since then I have been able to uncover this hidden knowledge of myself and have been working on tweaking a few things 😉 So yes, once I stopped talking to a selected few it wasn’t long before I broke away from the entire circle, slightly having contact just one or two people.

It was years later that this small world rotated back and I find myself facing what I so long ago thought I would never have to deal with again, except for now there is much more at stake. Now it’s not just about me anymore. There is someone else involved and for them this situation is really not ideal. This group that I so casually walked away from for the fear of rejection was too much to bare, are his best friends. Although we don’t speak much of it, I know that if we decide to continue with whatever it is that we’re trying to do here, I must fix what I broke and I have no clue as to how to go about it. Yes, I do understand that an explanation and maybe an apology is due from my end. Maybe it did really bother them they way I handled things. I don’t know because none of us have ever really spoken about it. They were my closest friends at one point and I had shared a lot with them, many firsts and a few lasts. Before this guy and I had even spoken true words between us since reconnecting, I would travel back to the times of all of us hanging out and building memories and I truly missed them. Yet, I never dared to reach out. In that aspect I let fear govern my senses.

I find myself in a harsh predicament now. I may have waited too long and now there is much more at stake. I am at a loss because I don’t know what first move to make. For now I suppose I’ll just allow the Universe to take its course. For now I’ll go with its flow and see what happens. I try to stay positive when I think about every outcome this situation could have. No matter what happens I am enjoying the moment. I won’t be dwelling on the “what happens if..” only on the “what is going on right this minuet”

Still I can’t help but think of life and all its cliches. For example, how life has a crazy way of giving you what you need, when you need it. It also has a crazy way of teaching it’s lessons and changing your perspectives, allowing for evolution to take place, mentally and emotionally. These, and others I can totally appreciate.

Scratch that.

I am totally appreciating them. Appreciating them for what they are, the beauty in truths.